And away we goooooooo!

So today I met with Dr. Maher. My first thought when I met him was, EGADS! This man scares me! :( He is a rather large and tall man, but he does have a sweet and kind demeanor. He was very wise, and had alot of real information. He did change one major thing.... I am no longer getting the Gastric Bypass Surgery, instead he is having me get the Gastric Sleeve Surgery.


The difference you ask? Well let me explain...

Gastic Bypass looks like this :

Basically during the GBS they cut the stomach, the intestines, and then reroute everything through a new way.











Gastric Sleeve looks like this :

Basically during the GSS they cut out 70 to 85% of the stomach and remove it. Nothing gets rerouted at all.

And because of the rerouting of the intestines, the malabsorption is greater...but see, I am not the normal girl in this world. I have Celiac's Disease. Which makes me already malabsorbed. So add in the malabsorption from the surgery, and I am screwed. So there you have it. I am now walking down the Gastric Sleeve Surgery path.

So there is one HUGE thing that I have to do before surgery. :( Get my fat ass down to 285 pounds. Did you read that?! Under 300 pounds?!? EGADS!!! Is it possible? For me to do this, I have to loose....*adds and subtracts and grumbles in her mind*..... Twenty-Six POUNDS! 2..6...POUNDS!!!! Can I do that?!?! :( Can I really do this? I am scared, I am petrified, I am... going to do it. I just need to figure out how.... Dr. Maher suggested doing the Weight Watchers Diet. I guess I could do that. It should be easy..right?

Oh hell, I think I will lose my mind before I lose the weight!

*sighs*

So here are my newest goals:

1. Get my fat ass movin!
2. Go cold turkey on any type of fizzy soda!
3. LOSE 26 POUNDS ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hi..remember me?

So here it is 2012, and I am finally updating my blog again. Things have been so crazy and out of wack. I am pursuing the gastric bypass surgery again through VCU. I have submitted my papers, got a call to meet with my surgeon, set up my psychological evaluation, and called my PCP to get information sent to the surgeons office.

I am SO.Freaking.READY!!!!

One of the reasons I am so gung ho on getting this done this time is because back in March I fell. It was horrible. From falling, to calling 911 and explaining that I am fat so send strong EMT's, to being picked up by 6 men, being taken to the ER and finding out that I really truely fubared my left leg and my pelvis. :( It was an eyeopening experience. If I had been alone, how would I have gotten to the phone, I couldn't even pick my own body up. I felt like dead weight. It was.... devastating. :(

I have decided that I need to lie through my teeth when it comes to my Psych. Eval. Well, sorta kinda. I know that I cannot be completely honest. Although this time around, I am not on the same medications, and I am ALREADY considered to have malabsorption!!

In other news, after going to the ER several times in the last few months, I think I have finally figured out what is wrong with me...well..with the help of Dr. McDonnell. Endometriosis.

So anyhow, this is where I stand in the land of this fat grrl. <3

Health....Its a lesson learned...

Finally got into the rheumatologist to get my crazy unhealthy body checked out. Needless to say I was poked, prodded, blood drawn and even xrayed. I felt like a pin cushion by the time I was done. Thankfully, DJ was there with me through the thick and thin of it all.

Fast forward a week and a half. They called about my Xray results. Seems I have degenerative arthritis(Osteoarthritis) in my knees, along with misaligned kneecaps. I am being sent for physical therapy. Fun.fun.f.u.n. Right?!

Then today they called with the bloodwork concerning my thyroid levels. As always, my thyroid is out of wack and they are concerned about it and mentioned something about enlarged thyroid and nodules. So I am off to get an ultrasound. Should I panic yet? Inside I am. Outside I am trying to stay calm. Although the tears you see today are just from sheer frustration of my body nonstop hurting, my migraines never ending, and the unknowing of wtf is wrong with my body.

My biggest obstacle that has been haunting me forever is my weight. Its finally starting to rear its ugly head and show many reasons why I need to lose it. Bottom line, I am getting the gastric bypass surgery. Hubby and I discussed it again, and its something I have to do for myself, my health, and my well being. So here I go again on this massive roller coaster, but yet, this time I know when to hold on, and when to just scream my brains out.

So here we go again...

After not having internet for like a month or so, I am back and the withdrawls are finally subsiding. :) I will say that my weight is fluctuating around 319 lbs! GO ME!

I have contacted VCU Weight Loss Surgery Center though and am going to go ahead and try for the GBP Surgery YET again. Lets see how this adventure goes!

Mentally I am breaking down all over the place, but I truely think this is due to alot of reason's. I cannot go into all of them here, but someday I might. ;)

omg its dropping off again!

I went to the Dr. this past monday. I weighed in at 326. Wed. night I went to the Dr. and I weighed in at 322!!!!! I restarted my meds last week and I am feeling much more stable, and in control of my appetite!

YAY ME!!!

Depression isn't helping things...

So our health insurance sucks A$$ and I am paying for it in more ways than one. We are allowed to fill a prescription once at the local store, and then after that, it needs to be sent into Express Scripts (or as I call them lovingly, Slow Fuck Up Scripts). Anyhow, I digress.... At the moment, I am without my anti-depressants, my diabetes meds, and my fibro meds. Which in turn is turning me into a raving lunatic. :(

*sighs softly* I am over sensitive, cranky, bitchy, and feel like a water retaining sea cow. PMS is not helping either though. GAH!

I want to eat everything in site. NOM NOM NOM! Although, I am trying to eat my yogurt, drink my water, and not sit on my arse all day.

Let's hope that my meds get here ASAP! Cause I might just go loco on someone :(

Back on track!

Today I headed over to Border's bookstore while they were having their going out of business sale. I ended up coming out of there with 2 new books.

I got a food/exercise tracker called : Flat Belly Diet Journal by Liz Vaccariello, editor in chief of Prevention. Its all about writing your way to a flatter belly. I am truely hoping that this can get me through the rough spots, and show me where I go wrong with my eating.

The other book I got is called : feeling fat,fuzzy or frazzled? by Richard Shames, MD. and Karilee Shames, Ph.D., R.N. This book is about jump starting your thyroid in 5 days. Its a 3 step program. I have hypothyroid and probably have since I was little. Just noone ever checked it. They just kept telling my mom I would have a "growth spurt" although the only growing I did was outwards, and not upwards!

Lately I have been thinking alot more about the gastric bypass surgery. I know that in the long run that its a quick fix, but that my mental state of mind needs to be in better check. I am working on that. SLOWLY. but surely. Till then I will try different ways of losing weight.

Today I am feeling: Happy
Today my body is feeling: sore and achey

Tomorrow can only get better.