Ugh...

So DJ's grandma is dying. :( She has stopped eating and drinking. She refuses to do anything. I am heartbroken for my husband and his family. But do I really want to drive to Illinois for the funeral? Not really.

Am I a monster for thinking this way? Its just that it takes 2 days to get there. Then go through the whole funeral/wake/etc. stuff. Then 2 days drive home. All with 2 boys that are at the lets fight over everything age :(

I am just not sure I can handle the stress to be honest. *sighs softly*

Weight? What?

So its been a while since I stepped on the scale. I sorta put it in hiding so not to obsess, then I just totally forgot about it completely. :P Guess I will start back to my world of weighing in tomorrow.

Something has to give, might as well be my weight :P

I do feel good lately. I am finally sleeping better. Last night was a good nights sleep. Although I woke up tired. Does that make sense?

Last night we had a good talk with the kids about how things are going to change..for the better at the new house. Not sure why it has to be at the new house, but DJ and I feel like its a new beginning, a fresh start. So we want to change alot of things in the whole process. One being more exercise and less sitting on our butt time.

Tofer was not happy about that, but I am truely worried about his weight. He is built like me. And I am scared he is going to end up obese. Not a good thought. :(

Dustin is fine with it because if I let him, the kid would live outside, well, except that his fear of bees and wasp turn him into a screaming little girl.

So needless to say, change is a'comin! And for the better I must say.

Future's So Bright...I gotta wear...shades?

My father contacted me tonight of facebook. I haven't seen him in person in 14 years. I talked to him on the phone about 10 years ago to tell him about my mom dying. Since then..nothing.

Let's just say I am trying my hardest to not go headfirst into this new found relationship with my father. He broke my heart badly so many years ago, and through therapy I was able to work through things and forgive him in my heart and mind.

Now I am just terrified of him hurting me all over again... Can the future hold bright things for me and him? We shall see..till then, I will put on the shades and leave the rose colored glasses alone.

Good Weather...Good Mood?

I really believe I suffer from the whole weather depression thingymabob. I am such a freaking wench when the weather is dark and brooding. But when its sunny and chipper out, I am a different person.

Now if only I could find a job. Lose weight. And get moved into the new house. I would be on top of the world.

No matter what though... I love my life and the people in it.

where have I been?

I dunno, but I am back. I am tired of my life and how I am leading this sad and awful example with my kids. They are getting heavy, and its scaring the shit outta me. I have to take my life back. I have to do something about this.

Setting some new small goals.

Lose 5 pounds by the end of March.
Stop being such a mean bitch to my kids.
Stop sleeping my days away.
Find a fucking hobby! :)