Soul Searching...

So I have decided to do some serious soul searching. Is being skinny all its cracked up to be? Am I only wanting something that I think I want?

I have joined this site called Myfatsecret to help keep track of what I am eating, and how I am eating. So far its going slow and I skipped a couple days.

I have a problem with food. I want to eat it. I want to eat it in great amounts. Not just normal size portions. Like saturday for instance. Aimee took me to Wendy's for lunch. I had a crispy chicken sandwich, baked potatoe and chili, oh and a sweet tea. That was at 11am. Then at 2pm DJs parents took us to Wendy's and I got a small cobb salad with ranch dressing, a chicken sandwich and a sweet tea. So I technically ate 2 lunches that day. I knew what I Was doing, but I couldnt resist the yummyness that is Wendy's. :( WTF is wrong with me? I inhaled it and still was craving some chili. There has to come a point in your life when you have to step away from the table. Even if you are hungry right?

Last night I was proud of myself. I took a very small serving of dinner. And I tried to eat slow and put my fork down between bites.

I just want to be normal. But I guess that depends on what your definition of normal is. For me its a size 10/12. Thats my goal size. Right now I wear a 26/28 and the clothing is so expensive. I would love to go to Torrid, Roamons, Lane Bryant or Fashion Bug plus and spend about 500 bucks getting some new updated clothing. Sure, I get some good deals at the thrift store, but again, I feel like I am just getting hand me downs. There are also some boots I would love to get at Torrid, but you are looking at an arm and a leg for the same boots at Target that cost like 50 bucks less. :( Its totally frustrating. I want to be chick and cute. And instead I wear the same damn clothes over and over because its what I am comfy and can fit into without feeling like a sausage.

Frustrated? YES!!! I want to be pretty. I want to feel good. I want....too much.