So the weightloss surgery is out. I have gotten down to 292 and am feeling alright. I started this journey eons ago, and my highest weight was 344. I think I can do this on my own. I am back to working on going completely gluten free. I won't lie, I cheat, and I pay for it. Its not a fun time.
I know that I have lost inches for sure. I went from 30/32 to 26/28 to 22/24. My goal is a 14!!! I am slowly making my way there.
Has it been easy? Hell fucking no.
But guess what, I will prevail! <3 p="p">
Monday, December 17, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Just call me a yo-yo!
So here it is, August 30th, 2012, and I reached 298 pounds yet again. I feel like a damn yoyo!
Im so frustrated with my weight. I could literally scream!
But at least I am below 300 yet again. Only 13 pounds to go! Blegh!
Someday I might make it! <3 p="p">
This was taken this past weekend at the Corvettes at Carlisle. The place I walked about 20 miles and yet hardly lost a pound. Grrrrrrrr!!!
Although, my knees have been snap, cracking, and popping!
Im so frustrated with my weight. I could literally scream!
But at least I am below 300 yet again. Only 13 pounds to go! Blegh!
Someday I might make it! <3 p="p">
This was taken this past weekend at the Corvettes at Carlisle. The place I walked about 20 miles and yet hardly lost a pound. Grrrrrrrr!!!
Although, my knees have been snap, cracking, and popping!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
WARNING! TMI INCOMING!
Lately, its been such a crazy roller coaster.
Back on July 3rd, 2012 I had a Merina IUD inserted due to my periods being out of control. The insertion was quite painful, and I had forgotten to take some meds before hand. Afterwards, there was some light bleeding, cramping, and the usual. Thankfully, it stopped after a few days, and everything seemed to be going well. Then BAM! I was hit with double over pain, severely harsh bleeding, and blood clots.
After 3 weeks, I ended up going to the ER because I was feeling extremely weak and nauseated. I went in and found out I was slightly dehydrated, borderline anemic, and that I had a severe kidney infection. I was sent home with some scripts, and told to be on bed rest for the next 3 to 4 days. Seems gravity is not good for severe bleeding. Go figure (insert sarcasm).
At any rate, I ended up having it removed the following Monday, and then put on anti-bleeding meds called Megestrol . Little did I know that this medication has some SEVERE side effects when taking it. All of which seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks 3 to 4 days into taking it. Sure, not bleeding was nice, but having chest pains that required me to call 911, was just NOT fun at all.
So now we are here in August, about to hit September soon, and I have been on 2 sets of antibiotics, the megestrol, and my hormones are ALL freaking whacked out. All of this has lead to me not losing a damn pound. Oh sure, I have lost the same 10 pounds about 40 times. But I am sitting at 300 pounds. I just cannot seem to budge. So needless to say, I called VCU Weight Loss Surgery Center to talk to my case manager and find out what I can do to move forward. I am still required to get as close to the 285 as I possibly can. And I also need a couple things faxed to them by some prior specialists I have dealt with.
So in the end, I gave my 2 week notice to my job. Yeah, it sucks. But in the end, it wasn't fair to keep calling in to my job, and having other people pick up my slack. :( I mean, even today I wasn't able to go in due to a sinus infection, and double ear infections. I felt horrible calling in. But I feel like my heads going to explode. So needless to say, I am done.
I'm going to visit the YMCA when we return from our trip. I am also going to seriously look into signing up with Weight Watchers Online. I also need to remember to keep updating MyFitnessPal.
So that's the gist of what has been going on. If anyone has any advice, please feel free to let me know whatcha think....
Back on July 3rd, 2012 I had a Merina IUD inserted due to my periods being out of control. The insertion was quite painful, and I had forgotten to take some meds before hand. Afterwards, there was some light bleeding, cramping, and the usual. Thankfully, it stopped after a few days, and everything seemed to be going well. Then BAM! I was hit with double over pain, severely harsh bleeding, and blood clots.
After 3 weeks, I ended up going to the ER because I was feeling extremely weak and nauseated. I went in and found out I was slightly dehydrated, borderline anemic, and that I had a severe kidney infection. I was sent home with some scripts, and told to be on bed rest for the next 3 to 4 days. Seems gravity is not good for severe bleeding. Go figure (insert sarcasm).
At any rate, I ended up having it removed the following Monday, and then put on anti-bleeding meds called Megestrol . Little did I know that this medication has some SEVERE side effects when taking it. All of which seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks 3 to 4 days into taking it. Sure, not bleeding was nice, but having chest pains that required me to call 911, was just NOT fun at all.
So now we are here in August, about to hit September soon, and I have been on 2 sets of antibiotics, the megestrol, and my hormones are ALL freaking whacked out. All of this has lead to me not losing a damn pound. Oh sure, I have lost the same 10 pounds about 40 times. But I am sitting at 300 pounds. I just cannot seem to budge. So needless to say, I called VCU Weight Loss Surgery Center to talk to my case manager and find out what I can do to move forward. I am still required to get as close to the 285 as I possibly can. And I also need a couple things faxed to them by some prior specialists I have dealt with.
So in the end, I gave my 2 week notice to my job. Yeah, it sucks. But in the end, it wasn't fair to keep calling in to my job, and having other people pick up my slack. :( I mean, even today I wasn't able to go in due to a sinus infection, and double ear infections. I felt horrible calling in. But I feel like my heads going to explode. So needless to say, I am done.
I'm going to visit the YMCA when we return from our trip. I am also going to seriously look into signing up with Weight Watchers Online. I also need to remember to keep updating MyFitnessPal.
So that's the gist of what has been going on. If anyone has any advice, please feel free to let me know whatcha think....
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Peering over the edge
I have depression. Is it fun? No, not really. It tends to creep up on me and I find myself losing ground fast. Especially during times when I run out of my meds, and it looks great when I peer over the edge. Cold turkey is not for me.
I am trying to work, but EVERY.LITTLE.THING seems to make me spin into a crying fit, or so angry I wanna smash someone or something.
Is this healthy? No. But unfortanately, using Express Scripts is not easy for us. You have to pay for 3 months of scripts at one time for EACH script you submit. And if you know me, I am a walking pharmacy. So my bills get high. :(
Alls I did yesterday was cry, feel completely and utterly angry, and had this feeling of complete hopelessness. Even when walking I couldn't seem to find my peace that I so enjoy. I just wanted to pound the ground with my feet, listen to loud obnoxious music, and close me eyes to the world. Which incidentally doesn't work well when walking down a dirt road.
My sister, whom I love so dearly, has been super patient with me. Even when I was a total cranky bitch yesterday on the phone. She is trying so hard to give me ideas, and love. I just honestly don't care about anything right now.
I am finding that my sleeping at night is suffering. I am so exhausted, I get in bed, and alls I do is toss, turn, think, toss, turn, think. Its this horrible pattern. I just wanna get off this merry go round. :( If I could crawl into bed right now. I would, but unfortanately I have to work. I have to get this done before PT this afternoon.
Instead I will sit here, cry, and try not to think of the craptastic day ahead.
I am trying to work, but EVERY.LITTLE.THING seems to make me spin into a crying fit, or so angry I wanna smash someone or something.
Is this healthy? No. But unfortanately, using Express Scripts is not easy for us. You have to pay for 3 months of scripts at one time for EACH script you submit. And if you know me, I am a walking pharmacy. So my bills get high. :(
Alls I did yesterday was cry, feel completely and utterly angry, and had this feeling of complete hopelessness. Even when walking I couldn't seem to find my peace that I so enjoy. I just wanted to pound the ground with my feet, listen to loud obnoxious music, and close me eyes to the world. Which incidentally doesn't work well when walking down a dirt road.
My sister, whom I love so dearly, has been super patient with me. Even when I was a total cranky bitch yesterday on the phone. She is trying so hard to give me ideas, and love. I just honestly don't care about anything right now.
I am finding that my sleeping at night is suffering. I am so exhausted, I get in bed, and alls I do is toss, turn, think, toss, turn, think. Its this horrible pattern. I just wanna get off this merry go round. :( If I could crawl into bed right now. I would, but unfortanately I have to work. I have to get this done before PT this afternoon.
Instead I will sit here, cry, and try not to think of the craptastic day ahead.
Monday, April 23, 2012
I'm trying, cut me some slack
I find myself wondering why people like me... obviously I am mean, cruel, mouthy, rude, and have little to offer.
Or so they think.... I am a true friend, I try my hardest to give them my love, my ear, my heart. What more can I give? I need something for myself right?
I am sitting here crying, listening to a song I found that fits me perfectly...
No I am not perfect, yes I have a potty mouth, no I don't like to conform to your thoughts and opinions, yes I am who I am.
I ate a salad today for breakfast, I had some steamed asparagus for a snack, I am drinking my sugar free lemonade type water stuff... hell I even went on an angry power walk, listening to music that was pushing me forward, feeling like I was hurtling through time.
Is that enough? I dunno, but its gonna have to be...
Or so they think.... I am a true friend, I try my hardest to give them my love, my ear, my heart. What more can I give? I need something for myself right?
I am sitting here crying, listening to a song I found that fits me perfectly...
No I am not perfect, yes I have a potty mouth, no I don't like to conform to your thoughts and opinions, yes I am who I am.
I ate a salad today for breakfast, I had some steamed asparagus for a snack, I am drinking my sugar free lemonade type water stuff... hell I even went on an angry power walk, listening to music that was pushing me forward, feeling like I was hurtling through time.
Is that enough? I dunno, but its gonna have to be...
Friday, April 20, 2012
I'm on a roll...
So I have walked 3 times this past week. I have eaten REALLY well. And I ended up losing 4 pounds so far. only 22 more to go!!! I am so super excited, I actually found myself obsessing about walking, I wanted to walk more, and more, and more. But sadly, I am having ALOT of pelvic, hip and calf pain. I am hoping that with doing my physical therapy next week will help me along. My goal is to walk EVERYDAY, unless its downpouring. I got a new cell phone and I put a bunch of MP3s on it. I found myself literally dancing/bouncing down the dirt road the other day <3 Teehee! I must have been quite the sight. But really, who gives a rats ass, I am doing this for myself and not for anyone else.
I was with my sister and bro in law to be the other day at the outlet mall in Williamsburg, and I realized that someday soon I could be wearing some of these cute clothes they sell there. I was literally squeeling within my brain! :) *giggles* I know that seems so weird to some, but to someone who has been thinner, and is now heavier, you know exactly what you are missing out on in the wardrobe part of your life.
I look forward the most to wearing the pretty bras from VS, or whatnot. Oh and to wear a pair of jeans that don't make me look like I have a penis would be SPECTACULAR!
Anyhow, thats my latest update. Not much to report, but for me, its been a great week!
I was with my sister and bro in law to be the other day at the outlet mall in Williamsburg, and I realized that someday soon I could be wearing some of these cute clothes they sell there. I was literally squeeling within my brain! :) *giggles* I know that seems so weird to some, but to someone who has been thinner, and is now heavier, you know exactly what you are missing out on in the wardrobe part of your life.
I look forward the most to wearing the pretty bras from VS, or whatnot. Oh and to wear a pair of jeans that don't make me look like I have a penis would be SPECTACULAR!
Anyhow, thats my latest update. Not much to report, but for me, its been a great week!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
And away we goooooooo!
So today I met with Dr. Maher. My first thought when I met him was, EGADS! This man scares me! :( He is a rather large and tall man, but he does have a sweet and kind demeanor. He was very wise, and had alot of real information. He did change one major thing.... I am no longer getting the Gastric Bypass Surgery, instead he is having me get the Gastric Sleeve Surgery.
The difference you ask? Well let me explain...
Gastic Bypass looks like this :
Basically during the GBS they cut the stomach, the intestines, and then reroute everything through a new way.
Gastric Sleeve looks like this :
Basically during the GSS they cut out 70 to 85% of the stomach and remove it. Nothing gets rerouted at all.
And because of the rerouting of the intestines, the malabsorption is greater...but see, I am not the normal girl in this world. I have Celiac's Disease. Which makes me already malabsorbed. So add in the malabsorption from the surgery, and I am screwed. So there you have it. I am now walking down the Gastric Sleeve Surgery path.
So there is one HUGE thing that I have to do before surgery. :( Get my fat ass down to 285 pounds. Did you read that?! Under 300 pounds?!? EGADS!!! Is it possible? For me to do this, I have to loose....*adds and subtracts and grumbles in her mind*..... Twenty-Six POUNDS! 2..6...POUNDS!!!! Can I do that?!?! :( Can I really do this? I am scared, I am petrified, I am... going to do it. I just need to figure out how.... Dr. Maher suggested doing the Weight Watchers Diet. I guess I could do that. It should be easy..right?
Oh hell, I think I will lose my mind before I lose the weight!
*sighs*
So here are my newest goals:
1. Get my fat ass movin!
2. Go cold turkey on any type of fizzy soda!
3. LOSE 26 POUNDS ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The difference you ask? Well let me explain...
Gastic Bypass looks like this :
Basically during the GBS they cut the stomach, the intestines, and then reroute everything through a new way.
Gastric Sleeve looks like this :
Basically during the GSS they cut out 70 to 85% of the stomach and remove it. Nothing gets rerouted at all.
And because of the rerouting of the intestines, the malabsorption is greater...but see, I am not the normal girl in this world. I have Celiac's Disease. Which makes me already malabsorbed. So add in the malabsorption from the surgery, and I am screwed. So there you have it. I am now walking down the Gastric Sleeve Surgery path.
So there is one HUGE thing that I have to do before surgery. :( Get my fat ass down to 285 pounds. Did you read that?! Under 300 pounds?!? EGADS!!! Is it possible? For me to do this, I have to loose....*adds and subtracts and grumbles in her mind*..... Twenty-Six POUNDS! 2..6...POUNDS!!!! Can I do that?!?! :( Can I really do this? I am scared, I am petrified, I am... going to do it. I just need to figure out how.... Dr. Maher suggested doing the Weight Watchers Diet. I guess I could do that. It should be easy..right?
Oh hell, I think I will lose my mind before I lose the weight!
*sighs*
So here are my newest goals:
1. Get my fat ass movin!
2. Go cold turkey on any type of fizzy soda!
3. LOSE 26 POUNDS ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
hi..remember me?
So here it is 2012, and I am finally updating my blog again. Things have been so crazy and out of wack. I am pursuing the gastric bypass surgery again through VCU. I have submitted my papers, got a call to meet with my surgeon, set up my psychological evaluation, and called my PCP to get information sent to the surgeons office.
I am SO.Freaking.READY!!!!
One of the reasons I am so gung ho on getting this done this time is because back in March I fell. It was horrible. From falling, to calling 911 and explaining that I am fat so send strong EMT's, to being picked up by 6 men, being taken to the ER and finding out that I really truely fubared my left leg and my pelvis. :( It was an eyeopening experience. If I had been alone, how would I have gotten to the phone, I couldn't even pick my own body up. I felt like dead weight. It was.... devastating. :(
I have decided that I need to lie through my teeth when it comes to my Psych. Eval. Well, sorta kinda. I know that I cannot be completely honest. Although this time around, I am not on the same medications, and I am ALREADY considered to have malabsorption!!
In other news, after going to the ER several times in the last few months, I think I have finally figured out what is wrong with me...well..with the help of Dr. McDonnell. Endometriosis.
So anyhow, this is where I stand in the land of this fat grrl. <3
I am SO.Freaking.READY!!!!
One of the reasons I am so gung ho on getting this done this time is because back in March I fell. It was horrible. From falling, to calling 911 and explaining that I am fat so send strong EMT's, to being picked up by 6 men, being taken to the ER and finding out that I really truely fubared my left leg and my pelvis. :( It was an eyeopening experience. If I had been alone, how would I have gotten to the phone, I couldn't even pick my own body up. I felt like dead weight. It was.... devastating. :(
I have decided that I need to lie through my teeth when it comes to my Psych. Eval. Well, sorta kinda. I know that I cannot be completely honest. Although this time around, I am not on the same medications, and I am ALREADY considered to have malabsorption!!
In other news, after going to the ER several times in the last few months, I think I have finally figured out what is wrong with me...well..with the help of Dr. McDonnell. Endometriosis.
So anyhow, this is where I stand in the land of this fat grrl. <3
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