I have depression. Is it fun? No, not really. It tends to creep up on me and I find myself losing ground fast. Especially during times when I run out of my meds, and it looks great when I peer over the edge. Cold turkey is not for me.
I am trying to work, but EVERY.LITTLE.THING seems to make me spin into a crying fit, or so angry I wanna smash someone or something.
Is this healthy? No. But unfortanately, using Express Scripts is not easy for us. You have to pay for 3 months of scripts at one time for EACH script you submit. And if you know me, I am a walking pharmacy. So my bills get high. :(
Alls I did yesterday was cry, feel completely and utterly angry, and had this feeling of complete hopelessness. Even when walking I couldn't seem to find my peace that I so enjoy. I just wanted to pound the ground with my feet, listen to loud obnoxious music, and close me eyes to the world. Which incidentally doesn't work well when walking down a dirt road.
My sister, whom I love so dearly, has been super patient with me. Even when I was a total cranky bitch yesterday on the phone. She is trying so hard to give me ideas, and love. I just honestly don't care about anything right now.
I am finding that my sleeping at night is suffering. I am so exhausted, I get in bed, and alls I do is toss, turn, think, toss, turn, think. Its this horrible pattern. I just wanna get off this merry go round. :( If I could crawl into bed right now. I would, but unfortanately I have to work. I have to get this done before PT this afternoon.
Instead I will sit here, cry, and try not to think of the craptastic day ahead.
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